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- Friendship Math: 2 + 1 = Insider
Dear Andre,
Here’s the problem:
I’ve seen so many young adults attend a Thursday night event, leave right after, and wonder, Why does everyone else have friends here, but I don’t?
This process took me about a year. By laying it out for you, I can get you there in 3-6 months.
You won’t have to do this forever. Eventually, you’ll have so many friendships that it won’t make sense to go to everything. But for now, take it one step at a time.
Let me guess: You’re probably thinking, "Why is this dude so obsessed with me going to Thursday night group? Is he getting a commission or something?"
I promise, I’m not. But if I were getting paid for every time I told you to show up, I’d be typing this from a private jet.
Look, you want to go from outsider to insider, right? That’s why I’m here. So, yes, I’ll keep repeating myself like your mom yelling, “Don’t forget your jacket!” every time you leave the house.
This week, I want to dive into how to be proactive and intentional—how this makes you valuable.
Shortcuts: (3 min read)
You’ve already got some skills. Not everyone does. If you didn’t, I’d tell you to use the time you do have to help. Time is an incredible gift.
But you’ve got skills because of your business, so here’s the big question:
How can you use your skills, resources, time, energy, and health to help the people you’re meeting?
Andre, you have to be proactive. Let me tell you a quick story about how I learned this.
The Lesson: Be Proactive
When I first started going to 18.25 on Thursdays (Bayside’s young adult ministry), I didn’t have any friends there.
So, what did I do?
Feel sorry for myself and wish things were different? Nope.
I did the opposite. I looked for people sitting by themselves, and I introduced myself. Most people want to be friends, but it takes someone to initiate.
Andre, don’t be passive. You must be proactive to build these friendships.
Next Thursday, look for someone sitting alone. Walk up and steal this line:
"Hey! I don’t think I’ve met you yet. I’m Andre."
Boom. Now you’re taking the first step.
Next Steps: Do the Extra Things
After the Thursday night group, go to the hangout afterward. (Both Bayside and Bridgeway have post-service hangouts—Bayside’s is at Chick-fil-A; BYA’s is at In-N-Out.) If you’re at another church, there’s probably something similar.
No hangout? Start one.
Remember, this is an investment. The more you do upfront, the faster you’ll find your people.
Join a Small Group (and lead One)
Did you join a small group like I told you to last week?
No? Dude, come on—it’s important.
Once you join, be just as proactive there as you are on Thursdays. The goal? To lead a small group within a few months. (If that feels scary, it’s normal.)
In every group, there’s a social hierarchy. You’ll notice leaders with official titles and others who have influence just because of who they are. Focus on building relationships with both.
Intentional Conversations: Quality Over Quantity
At every event, aim for 2-3 great conversations. Don’t try to meet everyone—it doesn’t work.
Focus on the best people. (He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.) Usually, influential people are influential for a reason. Start with them.
The Fastest Way to Build Depth
After a few events, start asking people to grab coffee or hang out one-on-one. This is the fastest way to deepen relationships.
And don’t forget: ask for contact info—social media, phone number, whatever you actually use.
Here’s Your Game Plan:
Steal this line: "Hey! I don’t think I’ve met you yet. I’m Andre."
Go to Thursday night: Focus on 2-3 good conversations.
Go to the hangout after Thursday night: Again, 2-3 conversations.
Join a small group: Same focus—2-3 conversations.
Do an activity weekly: Volleyball? Coffee shop meet-ups? Pick something and show up.
After 2 weeks, invite someone for coffee. One-on-one time will accelerate your relationships. (this is the 2+1 = Insider)
You’ll start seeing what I call the compound effect—you’ll know most of the regulars before you realize it.
Bonus Tip for Business Owners
If you’re reading this and you’re not a young adult, the same principles apply in a business context. Weekly networking meetings? Same concept. Do the small extras. Focus on 2-3 meaningful conversations.
Next Week: Make a Great First Impression
Next week, I’ll walk you through how to make a killer first impression. It’s a skill, and I want you to crush it. Don’t miss it.
P.S. I made a free Doc to help you "read your friends’ minds."
P.P.S. I’m really working to make this email as valuable, actionable, and concise as possible. How am I doing with that? (please let me know if this was valuable by poll or response)
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