- Comfort Crushers Newsletter
- Posts
- How I Read Minds (Listen Capture Act)
In this week’s Newsletter: (3 min read)
-How thoughtfulness changed me
-How to read your friend’s mind
-The simple 3-step framework
(most people miss step 2)
-The effort arbitrage
Short Cuts:
I’ll never forget this moment.
It might seem so simple.
Yet no one had ever done this for me.
It was 2021, I was in Ecuador, and I had my brother and sister-in-law send me something.
I was in shock.
This wasn’t a small thing.
I’d quit two jobs, and decided to go. (which was scary and exciting)
No one had ever done this for me. (they sent a $200 Venmo which was insane)
Their action changed me.
I’ve looked for ways to be thoughtful when other people are traveling.
why?
Because it showed that they were thinking of me.
So, you want to read your friend’s mind?
Well, keep reading.
If you implement these ideas your friends will ask:
How did you know/remember that?
Today I'm revealing a secret.
It's a secret that allowed me to give a friend of mine her EXACT Boba order (Pictured below)
It allowed me to give someone else a $150 gift card, and a Twinkie.
I got another friend his favorite granola from trader joes.
I sent Starbucks to friends and family hundreds and thousands of miles away.
Okay, so, how do you read your friend’s mind?
I'll get to that, dear friend, but first let me explain the biggest problem.
It’s hard to pay attention and be present.
Most people can't remember the name of the person they met 10 seconds ago.
This isn't always a memory problem. It's a lack of PRESENCE problem.
When you become genuinely interested in others, you choose to be present. (and that's the greatest gift you can give anyone)
You also start to think about others.
What I am trying to do is simple:
shine a spotlight on is how simple (not easy) this is to solve.
The simple 3 step framework (most people miss step 2)
THIS is how you read your friend’s mind.
1. Listen
First, find out their love language. What are the love languages? Physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation. (read the 5 love languages)
Once you know what their top 2 love languages are, then you can give them things that will mean the most to them.
Okay, so you know their love language(s). Now what? Well, next you listen throughout the conversation. Look for wants/needs. Things that they are either unable or unwilling to do for themselves, yet they want to do.,
I often look for simple things: Starbucks order. Favorite snack. Favorite restaurant. Just by reading this you will start to notice these things.
Now, this next part this next part is the really important part. Keep reading. (most people skip this next step)
2. Capture
This is the effort arbitrage. Read closely.
I have a Google doc labeled: Unreasonable hospitality for friends. (I could make a notion template. Let me know if you’d find that useful)
Why write these things down?
Because I care deeply about people. (And you do too)
Capturing makes the people who you care about feel incredibly special. Why? Because few people listen. Even fewer act on what they've heard. So when you do, (and you do step 3) you make yourself stand out. You're choosing to see and care for people.
Here are some of the things I’ve captured:
3. Act
Here are some examples for each love language.
Gifts: Send Starbucks or food via Uber eats.
It’s the action that shows the love.
If they mention a book, Amazon it to their home:
Snacks. If you know someone LOVES a specific snack, and you can randomly get it for them, do it.
Next, Physical touch: I have a friend, and his top love language is physical touch. So, no matter what, when I see him, I'll give him a hug. It means a lot to him.
Acts of service: Take out the trash or unload the dishwasher. Help them clean up after dinner.
Quality time: Go for a walk, schedule time to make dinner together, have coffee.
Words of affirmation: Handwritten note or text using the FBI framework.
Give away useful things that you don’t use.
I had a friend who had an extra flashlight, and he gave it to me. That has been a very helpful gift!
So that's the framework. Listen, capture, act. (most people don’t do step 2 and then get stuck on step 3)
WOW! Are you a mind reader? well not quite, but when you remember someone’s exact Boba order from 4 months ago you might as well be.
Also, when you NAIL it. There is nothing better. Because you Listened, you captured, and you acted. (it’s addicting)
Well, that's all for now.
Now, if I read your mind right, you loved this.
I wrote it, you read it, go read some minds and blow people away.
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