The Secret to Instant Respect

Dear Andre, (4 minute read)

Respect comes from living and expressing your values.

Mark Randall (who sold his company to Adobe for $400 million) said words I've never forgotten. (I'll get to those in a bit)

There are 4 steps to a great first impression:

1. Fun

2. Trust

3. Respect (this week)

4. Turning the spotlight back on the other person (next week)

So, in this week's newsletter, I want to talk about respect.

Now I know what you're thinking. If I'm fun no one will trust and respect me.

Dude. No. this is a process. (it cycles quickly)

You don't have to prove yourself at every moment.

Respect comes from living and expressing your values.

Andre, please make sure that you've gone back and added some fun, that you've used touch to create trust, and that you're honest, even when it's inconvenient.

Respect comes from living and expressing your values.

What are my values? You're asking yourself...

It's going to take a little bit of exploration to find out what those are. But I really want to encourage you to take the time to do that today. At the end, there's going to be an action guide—use it! Write out your values and start incorporating them into your conversations.

Here are some common questions that will be asked at the very beginning of a conversation:

• Where are you from?

• What do you do?

If you know your values, you'll be able to generate respect.

And you definitely want to start with fun.

You want to add trust by using high fives, hugs and handshakes when you can.

The thing with respect is this: asking yourself, "What are my values?"

For me, here's what it looks like. Instead of just saying, "I'm from LA," I say:

"I'm from the traffic capital of the world."

Why?

Because it's a slightly more fun way to say where I'm from, and it gets people thinking, "What does that mean?" Then I follow up with, "Oh, I'm from LA."

My values and how I express them:

I value love, adventure, and growth.

Here's how those values are expressed in my life:

• Love: For me, love means my family is really important to me. So I fly to see them pretty regularly—that's why I go to LA and Florida. I also call them and started a monthly family zoom. (before covid)

• Adventure: Adventure is important to me, which is why I go on mission trips, travel, and try new things.

• Growth: Growth is a big value for me, and it's why I'm excited about environments that push me to grow. Being at Lifetime, BNI, online communities like the Arena, and even writing this newsletter are all areas for me to grow in.

Why? Because there's alignment between the values I have and the way I live my life.

And that builds respect—because the words I say and the way I live line up.

I legitimately care about people, which is why I've learned these skills.

It all starts with a genuine interest in people.

You have to start with that genuine interest in people. And then, when you add fun, trust, and respect, you've done the work to ask:

"What are my values? Am I living them?"

Instead of just saying, "Hey, I do this work," share why it aligns with your values.

For example, whenever I talk about owning my business, I don't focus on the fact that I detail vehicles, the products I use, or the process I follow (boring!).

Instead, I say:

"I have this business because having the freedom to fly to see my family in LA and Florida, to go on mission trips, and to prioritize the people most important to me is a big value for me. Owning my business allows me to do that without asking anyone for time off."

Having a business also forces me to grow, which I love. And it’s an adventure, full of uncertainty, which is exciting to me.

The key is making sure your values line up with who you are. If they don’t, you have to start looking at how to make them align better. Here comes the action!

How to answer: "Where are you from?"

Go to the Notes section of your phone and answer these questions:

• Where are you from?

• Do you love your hometown? Why?

• If you don’t like your hometown, why not?

• Why do you live where you currently live?

• Do you love it? Why?

• If you don’t like it, why not?

• Are you planning on moving anywhere? Where and why?

Sharing your values:

Now, the goal is to take the elements of your answers above and combine them into a 3-5 sentence answer that shares your values.

A great way to do this is to compare where you’re originally from with where you currently live in terms of your likes and dislikes. If you’ve always lived in the same place, talk about your dream travel plans and use those to showcase what you love.

Example:

"I'm originally from LA. I love the fast pace and the drive to grow in that environment. I love being in Sacramento because of the friendships I’ve developed and how close everything is compared to LA. Through different churches, networking groups, and gyms I’ve joined, I’ve found pockets of people who are building things, which inspires me to grow and invest in others the way I’ve been invested in."

How to answer, "What do you do?"

• What is your job or what do you study?

• What is the stereotype of your job?

• What is a slightly mysterious or funny way to describe your job?

• Do you love your job? If so, why?

• If you don’t like it, why not?

• Why did you start the job?

• Are you moving toward another industry or dreaming of doing something different?

• What is your biggest hobby or passion?

Now, take the elements of your answers and combine them into a 3-5 sentence answer that shares your values!

Example:

"What do you do?"

You answer:
"I karate chop the dirt off the inside and outside of people’s cars."

They laugh. Then you explain:

"No, but I actually operate a mobile detailing business. I love the freedom that comes with owning my own business, and I’ve loved cars since I was 16. So getting to work on really cool cars is life-giving for me.

I was inspired to start detailing after a mini MBA program, where Mark Randall (who sold his company to Adobe for $400 million) said, 'Every idea is a bad idea until it’s been tested in the marketplace.'

I clayed my own vehicle, and it changed colors. So I wondered if people would pay for that same experience. I knocked on 30 doors, got through to 18 people, 16 people said no. but 2 said yes!

Understanding your values takes effort

Okay, I know that's work. But understanding your values takes effort. When you can communicate them and show you’re living them out, you’ll gain the respect of those around you.

Next week, I’ll share how to turn the spotlight back onto the other person. You don’t want to miss it.

Talk to you then.

-Daniel

P.S. I know your name isn't Andre. Andre is the 24 year old guy I'm writing these letters to. He's a business owner and doing well, and is working to grow his friendships. Sometimes he doesn't understand people. But he understands process and business quite well. So I'm doing my best to break down social skills and friendship into a process. I hope this helps you too, wether you're 27, 41 or 73.