Daily practice is the small seed that grows into a massive tree.

634 eyes watched me.

And in that moment I realized:

I was wrong.

Two 8th notes too early, on the five not the one. (felt dissonant, and wrong)
I had two choices. Stop and try to find the one again, (everyone would know I made a mistake) or stop click and simply keep going…

It’s the cornerstone of life. Want to make more money? This will help. Want to get married? Necessary. Want to become healthier? This creates great environments. Want to have great friendships? These skills develop deep meaningful friendships.

What are they?

Social skills.

Why do so few people consciously practice them?

Problem:

You don't know what to say in new environments. You feel awkward.

When you see someone you'd like to become friends with you don't introduce yourself. And go home wishing you would have.

When you think a compliment about someone, you don't say it.

You don't trust yourself to be in the moment

You don't want to look dumb.

You don't try because you don't want to fail and feel humiliated.

Where I started:

The problem I faced was a lack of awareness. I simply didn't know what I didn't know.

In middle school this cost me a dear friend. We went from best friends to never talking again. Because of miss-communication via text. I know the pain of getting this wrong.

I didn't even try to ask a girl out (to coffee till 22) or on a date till 25.

I didn't know what flirting even was until 22/23.

I didn't know that complimenting girls was a form of flirting until 22/23. (or even that it could be perceived that way) I didn't have a sense of style or start learning about fashion until 23. So if you think you're "behind" or don't know things. Join the club (we don't have t-shirts)

The gift:

Despite all that I didn't know, I received a gift. A book. which taught me a few things. It caused me to:

• Listen well

• Be genuinely curious

• Increased my tendency to ask questions

I started slowly rotating my thumbs around each other, attempting to listen with my whole body. Why? Because I'd read these exact words in How To win Friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. (Last weeks newsletter summarized my key learnings)

When I want to learn something and I trust the author I do exactly what they've told me to do before I try to do my own thing. There is a transfer of essence. A reshaping of my own internal world. A willingness to try this version of Daniel on and see if it fits. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm writing this to you because I have a hunch. There are really good things about you that you don't recognize. Things you've already done or will do that you may not have the confidence yet to share or to try to do. This is a daily practice. To improve. To live with a focus on what matters most. If you're like me people are the most important thing to you. Yet there are a lot of skills that help you be better around people that you don't practice. Yet to say you don't have the ability to practice is untrue.

Pre-decide:

No single interaction gone well or bad will define you. when you can handle rejection. And have things go wrong and recover quickly, your world changes. When you learn to process through the emotions and come back stronger you've made a huge shift in your life. (no longer captive to not trying out of fear of failure)

My big failure moment:

I was wrong. (Facepalm)

Two 8ths note too early, on the five not the one. (Felt dissonant, and wrong)
I had two choices. Stop and try to find the one again, or stop click and simply keep going. I chose to keep going.

This happened for me while playing drums. I was learning to play 6/8 which is a different time signature. (most music is in 4/4) We were playing a song called reckless love at bayside blue Oaks. I couldn't feel the time yet, and on stage in front of 317 people. I crashed in at exactly the wrong time. (very confidently too)

I remember this moment from 6 years ago. but there are maybe 4-5 others who might remember after hearing this story. Everyone else has forgotten.

Here is the point: if you make a mistake and choose to move forward despite it most people will forget the mistake. Learn from it and get better. I never made that mistake again. I realized that I hadn't yet internalized 6/8 in my body. And after that I practiced that specific weakness. Now I crush at 6/8 (and I love it too) but without that "major" failure I wouldn't have been aware of my weakness.

it's easy to autopilot things in life. Most people aren't consciously trying to become a better driver. Which is a bit like social skills. One focus per day can make a huge difference. I'm going through Charisma University which is a course on social skills. I’ve found it helpful in my daily life. (I'll share more about that in a future newsletter) one of them was so simple: it's look for ways to give people high fives. Anytime someone tells me about a win they had or that something worked out well for them I offer a high five. A small thing. but who doesn't love to hear congratulations and get a high-fived after a win?

Why should you develop these skills?

when you are genuinely interested in others your life gets better.

Social skills are like pennies doubling:

Would you rather have a million dollars today?

Or have 1 penny doubling everyday for 30 days?

Day 1: 1,000,000
or:

Day 1$0.01

Day 2$0.02

Day 3$0.04

Day 4$0.08

Day 5$0.16

Day 6$0.32

Day 7$0.64

Day 8$1.28

Day 9$2.56

Day 10$5.12

Day 11$10.24

Day 12$20.48

Day 13$40.96

Day 14$81.92

Day 15$163.84

Day 16$327.68

Day 17$655.36

Day 18$1,310.72

Day 19$2,621.44

Day 20$5,242.88

Day 21$10,485.76

Day 22$20,971.52

Day 23$41,943.04

Day 24$83,886.08

Day 25$167,772.16

Day 26$335,544.32

Day 27$671,088.64

Day 28$1,342,177.28

Day 29$2,684,354.56

Day 30$5,368,709.12

This is how investing in social skill will feel. Like nothing is happening for a long time, then things click. It's a constant investment, Like most things you want.

When you make mistakes as you are practicing your social skills, that's okay! you're human. (somethings will feel weird no matter how skilled you are)

What you need is a small simple step. It will be like the compounding of this penny. it won't be noticeable for most people until a month or so in. but you'll feel how you're changing on the inside.

How you are willing to:

• Try new things.

• Start conversations with people you don't' know yet

• Begin friendships

• Ask to hangout even if it's last minute

• Ask that girl/guy out you've been thinking about for months.

When you are willing invest in small daily ways it pays off. Give yourself enough time to let these ideas become a part of who you are.

Like salt working through meat the longer the salt can marinade the better the meat will be. This is true of your social skills. Small wins start to work their way through your entire life. Suddenly the texture and flavor of how you show up changes. A confidence knowing you can fail and recover quickly.

When you are genuinely interested in others they notice. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests and accomplishments. When you are a good listener, people notices. Seeking to understand their point of view. this one skill could be the most important thing you will learn from my writing.

Do this with me over the next 6 weeks. There were so many things I simply didn't know. Now when I see something that can help me improve, I take advantage of it. Environments, friendships, courses, live events. Growth is not optional for me.

It isn't for you either. I graduated college. My last year of college cost me less than the education I invested in the following year. (courses, in person seminars, business coaching, detailing classes)

Why? Learning skills that make me money and a better human being are worth it. And I hope as you've read this your considering that this may be worth it. To invest both time and money to learn rather than spending the time floundering. Letting others hindsight become your foresight.

Three Challenges: Should you choose to Accept.
Challenge 1:

Think of this as a video game and you want to progress to level 5. Choose your level of difficulty below and do at least one per day for a week, then progress to the next level. Within a month you'll be at level 5. (or you can do one per day for the next week)

Level 1: Smile at a stranger.

Level 2: Smile and wave at a stranger.

Level 3: Compliment something about a stranger and keep walking. (the drive-by compliment)

Level 4: Compliment and introduce yourself. (Say: "I don't think I've met you yet, my name is ___")

Level 5: Compliment, introduce yourself, and ask for their contact info. (depending on the environment)

• phone number

• Instagram

• LinkedIn

• Business Card

Challenge 2:

If you are in school, church, or business environment where most people sit in the same place.

One time this month sit in a different place with different people.

Increase your curiosity about your experience.

Do you like this spot better than your normal spot, do you connect well with any of the people you are sitting close to? do you pay better attention because of your sitting position? Proximity and seating position make a difference.

Challenge 3:

Rhino Game: (From Rhinoceros Success)

Smile and wave at people when you're stopped at a red light.

• +2 points if they smile and wave back

• +1 points if they smile back

• 0 points if they don't respond

• -5 points for any accidents.

P.S. I’ll be launching a 6 week course on social skills on June 24th, it’ll be 100% off for the first 3 people. DM “Cohort” to my Instagram to be added to the waitlist.

Other things to binge if you like this:

How to win friends and Influence People Summary

Never Split the Difference Summary:

How I started trying new things: